RESTLESSNESS
A sheep was I.
Lost in the meadow dew,
my eyes squinting into the mistiness.
I wondered who the Shepherd was;
I worried at the mention of His Name.
Frolicking among the lambs,
I didn’t know Him.
Sometimes, I thought I caught
a glimpse of Him,
but I never really knew.
One day, I heard Him calling,
calling out
my name, clearly,
musically,
the voice of Polaris in the haze
of aurora borealis.
I stumbled,
listening, then blinded by
the sandstorms of sophisticated
religious conclusions,
the deafness returned.
I recited
explanations of the Shepherd,
His wisdom, His awesomeness, His beauty,
I tried
to pursue these musings.
But without encouragement,
overcome by my own failures,
I doubted.
Disgusted, disillusioned, distraught,
I drifted.
ROAMING
(While the other sheep slept, blissfully
listless in the pen),
I saw
the Shepherd trudging,
trudging over hills & hills of gray.
I knew
that He could see me,
as I slipped into the dusk.
Again, He was calling,
calling out my name. Farther,
I sprinted
over clod-hills of dust,
until my coat was blackened,
my spirits dampened.
I marveled
at His persistence,
His whimsical whistling faded
through the midnight’s silence.
An owl’s screech hid His voice,
as the pointed arrows
of the Enemy plunged their tips
into my grimy coat,
into the sin-stained heart of my soul.
I was caught
in the the thicket of myself
trapped in the cage of lies
that were killing me,
I was locked
in Satan’s mind games.
REDEMPTION
(The other sheep’s idle babble
rose, a torrent
of slanderous curses),
but gently, lovingly
the Shepherd’s truth
wistfully whispered
in my ear, awakening
the lifeblood that had withered
within me.
Graciously, tenderly,
He lifted me
out of the barbed-
wire thicket
into His loving embrace.
Into His lap,
He scooped
this mess of myself,
deepening the sin-tattooed scars
on His hands.
Longing to cry out,
to scream in anguish,
I seemed to languish,
yet He saw
through the shame
and the guilt
that remained.
He understood
the tearless times
of torcher
&
He loved
me the same.
REGRESSION
(Shrouded by their hypocrisy,
the other sheep were indifferent
to my peril);
but He cared.
Over sandy dunes & backyard hovels,
He bore me.
Through the grimy swamplands
& piles of merciless memories,
We cried.
And I knew that now
I was free.
Nearing the brink of a jagged cliff,
I screamed
in fear;
He tried
to reassure me, but
I dashed
from His arms,
back into the blackness
behind.
Running from the sharp splintered edges,
I fell
into the hidden abyss.
I wanted
to die, to wrap myself
in the pain, but
I mumbled
the Shepherd’s name,
He leapt
to my side.
Taking my hand,
He bid
me arise.
(And it was then I realized
the sheep’s accusing banters
were disguised deceptions of the great
Supplanter).
RETRIEVAL
He said,
“Come with me,
my daughter,
let me walk,
by your side,
let me carry you,
into the safety
of my true fold.”
My heart swelled
with His Words, &
I grasped
His hand tighter. As
He softly confided
“My daughter, My princess,
I love you.”
(And even though the other sheep
continued their spiteful hocus pocus
He was enough,
and sometimes, I didn’t even notice).
REFRESHING
To the ditty of dancing raindrops,
I twirl
in the sunbeams creeping
through ambient clouds.
He smiles.
Skipping in the aura of autumn air,
He breathes
new life into my soul.
He pours
into my heart the knowledge of His
character and
He covers
me with the wings of His protection.
Watching playful otters gliding off
the river’s bank, their flattened tails
streaming behind,
He reminds
me to hold on to His Word
and to remember His promises.
RELAPSE
Nevertheless, I forget,
(I hear
the other sheep bleating,
louder, stronger
than ever, repeating
the Enemy’s subtle distortions).
I cower
in the corner
doubting, fearful, watching
the spider spin
an elaborate cobweb trap.
I allow
pride to tap
on my window and unhinge
the latch of forgiveness.
I feel
like drowning
in the swampy soup
of my iniquities.
RESTORATION
But, then,
He comes
for a visit.
He speaks
and
I hear Him.
Welcoming in His presence,
I receive His manna.
Soaking in His Word,
His Spirit
fills me and bubbles over
unlocking the latched
doors to my burdensome
secrets.
I climb
closer, drinking in
the fountain of His wisdom,
He teaches
me to rely on the accuracy
of His truth and to trust
in the essence of His character
to have faith in His plans,
and to know His will.
He insists
my imperfection
be replaced by His reflection,
my ideas
by His inflections
my lies
by His veracity
my weakness
by His tenacity
And resting
in His perfect wisdom,
I know I will not want, for
He leads
me in paths of righteousness,
He restores
my soul,
And even when I walk
through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will not fear.
For His rod and His staff,
they comfort me,
He prepares
a table before
me in the presence of
my enemies,
yes, (in the presence of
the other sheep),
He anoints
my head with oil,
and my cup runs over,
Surely,
goodness and mercy
will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in His home forever.
REQUISITION
At the end of our visit,
He turns,
sounding into the
selfish
darkness
of my foolish mind,
He asks
me to love
my enemies (the other sheep,
the lost sheep),
to bless those who curse,
& to pray for those who spitefully use me,
“Why?” I question. . .
He replies,
“Because that is what the sheep who follow
Me do:
My sheep love as
I love.”
RESPONSE
Still, in my petty humanity,
I want to return the favor
and leave (the other sheep)
to wallow,
but Jesus has commanded me
to take up the cross
& follow . . .
thus,
I must obey for
The Lord is my Shepherd,
&
His Sheep am I.
{Inspiration and wording from Psalm 23, the Parable of the Lost Sheep (Luke 15), the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5), and other similar passages}.
2 thoughts on “A Sheep Was I”